Knuckles Does an Adventure
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: Knuckles is the one true hero we all need in this world


Knuckles Does an Adventure

It was a cheerful Sunday morning and Knuckles had removed his big Lego Timberlands. He had also went as far as to strip off his sweaty green nightmares (the socks). Knuckles let out a long deep sigh of contentment as he walked over to the sandier area outside of his righteous bachelor pad housing the Master Emerald.

"G'morning world!" Knuckles announced as he grinned at the sun. The sun winked at him with its sunspots and Knuckles winked back. He then stomped a foot down dramatically such that his entire bottom foot was encased by the cool sand surrounding him. The coarse particles seeped their way in between his toes and dug deep under the nails. Knuckles repeated the same motion with his other foot and let out another relaxed sigh. Knuckles shifted slightly in the sand and dug his heels deeper into the earth.

"Nothin' like getting sandy, boy!" He smiled as he shuffled a bit more. Each time, he completed a rotation, he would feel himself digging further and further down into the ground. "Nice!"

He was now up well past his ankles. The sand was reaching midway up to his knees. Knuckles was feeling pretty downright spiffy in terms of a good attitude. "Talk about a pleasure cruise! All yaboi needs is a cooling patch of sandy goodness in order to have the optimal experience of a lifetime."

CRASH!

Knuckles jolted upwards at the sudden random outburst. A mysterious noise had disturbed his sand sauna soak. He quickly turned around such that his legs crossed over one another as he stood. Behind him he could see not one, not two, but thousands of tiny green fragments glistening all about the ruins.

"Blimey!" Knuckles put one hand on his cheek and held the elbow with his other. "What a strange place for somebody to drop their week's worth of spinach!" He shrugged and resumed his relaxed position. The mere thought of the spinach potentially stinking up his sand sauna soak was enough to irk him over the edge though. He sighed in annoyance and slowly popped his feet out of the refreshing patch and marched on over to the spinach.

"I mean, I could just ignore it, but this stuff is really rancid when the sun hits it just right…" Knuckles carefully picked up each leafy green and tossed it in a large trash bag. The leaves were surprisingly tough and heavy; they almost felt like diamond shards. However, Knuckles was a really smart fellow and kept up on the recent Natgeo news. He knew better than to assume that the leaves had been diamonds raining down from the heavens. "Diamonds only rain down on other planets, like Neptune and Saturn. They would never rain down on this planet, otherwise I'd be rich enough to afford some tasteful security for my precious Master Emerald." Knuckles almost chuckled at this, but stopped himself because he was unlike Sonic and would rather flex his delts and glutes like a real G.

Knuckles finally completed snagging up every last spinach leaf into his sack and tossed the whole load off the floating island like an Olympic hammer. "That should hit the dump dead on. I've played enough Bowser fights in SM64 to know exactly how to always hit the mark, son."

Knuckles smiled at how strong and intelligent he was. He then proudly approached the Master Emerald and gave it a big kiss. However, Knuckles was unable to plant a soggy smoocha on his big shiny rock due to the mysterious absence of the actual solid object. In fact, the entire Emerald was missing from its spot. Knuckles was very confused by this very situation. "That is so strange…" he mused. "It was right here before I took my sand sauna soak. Where could it have gone to?" He sat down on his crooked behind and did a little brainstorming for a viable solution. "Well, let's see… It couldn't have gone far; it ain't got legs… Unless it somehow grew some and maybe that happens to rocks…"

Knuckles suddenly shot upwards and gasped. "I know the answer!" He ran as fast as he could to the edge of the island and jumped off with his fists out front, catching the wind currents under his righteous dreadlocks. "I SO know the answer!" As Knuckles flew off toward the horizon, the island abruptly plummeted into the body of water below it. The fate of the island's levitating status was now in the freakishly-large hands of the planet's most stylish Echidna.

… … … … … …

Knuckles walked up to the door of Sonic the Hedgehog's house and banged on it with an angry series of punches. "KNOCK! KNOCK! It's Knuckles!"

Sonic finally opened the door after several minutes and frowned at the idiot who now stood before him. "Y'know… When your diet consists of fifty chili dogs per day, you'd think a few of your closest buds would take the hint that the 'disposal period' is a lengthy process that deserves its time…"

"Yo, Sonic! I know what you did!"

"Yeah? Wanna come see it? Didn't tap the flusher yet."

"Maybe later. I'm more concerned about how you once again butchered my sand sauna soak schedule, boi!"

"I don't know what that is, but if you really want something, you should stop speaking doofus."

"Okay, I will stop speaking doofus." Knuckles cleared his throat and coughed a little bit in the process. He turned away and belched a few times because he had a few too many Sunkists on his way to Sonic's. After that, he pulled out a toothbrush and applied a pea-sized amount of minty gel to the bristles. He made sure to get all the little nooks and crannies such that every molar, canine, and incisor was bullseye bright. He quickly rinsed and spat the excess onto Sonic's begonias. Sonic rolled his eyes and quickly brought his attention back to Knuckles, who was carefully flossing between each tooth like a master. Knuckles then popped in a couple of eyedrops into his one big sclera-ridden socket. He was cautious to not let the nozzle make direct contact and kindly screwed the cap back on for future use. Knuckles then blew his nose into his handkerchief a few times and then redirected his attention towards Sonic. He breathed in slowly and deeply. "YOU 'TOLE MAH MASTAH EMEROHD!" he roared and blew Sonic off his feet.

Sonic zipped back to the door and gave his crimson chum a snide glance. "You're such a smart dude…"

"I aim to please. Now hand over me birthright!"

"Look, Knux…" Sonic shook his head in disapproval. "I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news and crush your astute expectations, but I don't have your rocky mama."

"Lies! You're as dull as your knuckles if you think I'd fall for that!"

"Do _you_ qualify as 'my knuckles'?"

"Relinquish my precious or you'll starting a new diet on Knuckles Sandwiches!"

"Okay, then… let's clear things up… What is exactly going on here?"

"Fine, you deserve a chance to redeem yourself I suppose. I still don't trust ya, but you are suspect numero uno, so I guess you're still all mine."

So Knuckles told Sonic the whole story about his feet-soaking ritual and about the glittering spinach downpour. Sonic as cringing all the way through due to Knuckles's rather graphic depictions of his toes' comfort. "And that's when I got here and spit all over your begonias."

"Wow. You certainly are a moron…"

"Yeah, but I'm a pretty smart moron, eh?"

Sonic facepalmed and grabbed Knuckles by the shoulder. "Okay, Knux. How's about I tag along and help you find your big shiny crystal before you accidently kill yourself or something much, much worse."

"Sorry, Sonic." Knuckles daintily picked up Sonic's hand from his shoulder in disgust. "Knuckles works alone. I just believe in myself."

"And won't rely on others?"

Knuckles stared confused at Sonic for a moment. "What? Are you some kind of mind reader?"

"Nope. I just have a brain. Now before you scat, bro, please let me suggest a tidbit of info."

"Shoot, spiky boi."

"Excellent… Now…" Sonic breathed in slowly. "Did you ever once think that maybe the sky spinach was a bunch of Master Emerald shards?"

"I don't follow."

"It broke into a bunch of 'glistening fragments'?"

"The spinach?"

"Yes, the spinach was Master Emerald shards."

"And I put all the spinach in a sack and threw it into the dump."

"And…"

"And…" he then punched Sonic right in the face. "YOU 'TOLE MAH EMEROHD!"


End file.
